Thursday, August 21, 2008

Something That Got Me Thinking

So I have a favorite internet site, called BabyCenter, and I love this great little section of it called Momformation. Today I hopped on and read a very interesting blog about mothers and how far they would go for their children... and it got me thinking. Really thinking, thinking hard, and thinking long. I had thought during my pregnancy I understood the love I felt for my child, the need I had to protect her, and how strong my love for her was.
After reading the blog I took a look back and remembered that moment I first saw Karli and I felt something so much stronger than anything I had ever felt before. It was overwhelming, a love that was unconditional, greater than could ever be described, there was fear of any harm coming to her, such a need to protect and comfort her, I teared up and cried at the thought that we would never be able to shield her from the bad things in the world, I sobbed into my husband's shoulder nightly about feeling as though I could never be as good a mother as my daughter deserved. I called my mom so many times she didn't even need to look at caller ID to know it was me with another question, concern, need for advice, need for support, etc. I didn't even feel sideways staples being pried from my skin because I was in such distress about the fact that they were making my child bleed at the same moment for her PKU test. During the night the slightest noise from her bassinet has me leaping from bed (not an easy feat when still in pain and recovering from surgery) to check on her, and at least every other hour I find myself monitoring her breathing, and checking to make sure she's not too hot or too cold. I feel horrible for watching my family and my husband's family like a hawk if they hold her to make sure they are doing it right, that she's not distressed by the attention, etc.
The question the blogger posed to her readers was "Walking Through Fire - Would You?" and I know that I would. I would go through every torture, every painful and terrible thing known to man to protect my girl. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her, and there is nothing anyone could do to phase me from stepping up to protect her.

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